S. Sunshine

I took a deep breath, and then I deleted your messages. I just wanted to let go all the bad feelings around what represents us. Let go the times when I didn’t get an answer. Let go the times when I wrote a thousand words and got a simple smile back. Let go the times I said something deep, true, and didn’t get something alike. Let go the time I said with all the letters that I LOVE YOU, and you said that you LOVED TO HEAR THAT. You know what? I would love to hear that too. I wanted to let go all the tears that I cried, so as the ones I didn’t let fall. Let go the things I had to figure out on my own, things that broke my heart. Let go all the times you took my words the wrong way. Let go that you prefer to travel with your friends. Let go the fact that obviously you don’t want to be around me all the time I need. As is obviously that I don’t mean to you exactly what you mean to me. I deleted your messages because I wanted to delete all the pain. All the stupid things I went through as long as we’re together. A year,  ahn? And now I realize that deleting messages, photos, and stuff like that doesn’t mean deleting memories. This I’ll never be able to let go, no matter how much I want. I’m only able to try to move on and let these memories in the past. But, even it means no more suffering, no more sadness, no more broken promises, no more words unsaid, no more sad songs, no more worries about what you’re doing and who’s with you, no more lies, no more fake apologizes, no more regrets…It also means no more rare and cute messages, no more kisses, no more hugs, no more plans, no more madness, no more adventure, no more histories to tell, no more phone calls, no more love, no more me, no more you, no more us. And this is something that, for now, I’m not able to let go.

  Forgive&forget. It’s all. Sometimes we figured out things that we could actually have imagined… But when it become clear, it hurts. And sometimes, know the truth is not enough to take the pain away. Facing the truth is always hard. Specially if someone hided it behind sweet messages. The worst part is that you’ve believed that he was thinking about you. But wake up baby, he was with someone else… And it’s really annoying when he tells you that this is something you shouldn’t be that sad about. Sorry darling, I love you and I do care about it. ‘Cause you can believe or not, I was thinking about you. I’m always doing it. If I’m listening to some music, if I’m reading a book, if I’m lying down on my bed, If I’m watching a movie, if I’m hanging out with some friends… I’m sorry if for you it’s not like this. It’s better forgive&forget, ‘cause after all, you wouldn’t understand why my eyes filled up with tears… and think about the lows of the past don’t let me face this relationship as something good… I’m doing my best to go through this, with all my heart and soul. So don’t  you dare say me that I’m a cold person, ‘cause baby it’s you that can’t figure out the signs I give to you every single day, with every simple glance you insist to judge… it’s only you that don’t realize I’m only trying to let you know that in spite of everything, I’m still here loving you so.

Xoxo,

S. Sunshine